OMG i just found the hottest boy on tumblr
can he just get in my bed
jesus christ he brings joy to my eyes
oh my god his blog is perf
with someone else that acts as a
bullet through my hard-beating heart
and I wish I could say that this was just
jealousy but envy doesn’t ricochet through
cardiac muscle that easily—
it’s the fact that not being enough for you
makes all my organs work
so much harder to change myself
into somebody that I’m not because
I have crossed evolutionary limitations
and I am trying to adapt into
a person you would be proud to love.
I’m telling you now, while it’s still so fresh.. Because I don’t want you to regret letting a girl like me in.
I know I make you smile now but I need you to know about the nights that you’ll see oceans so dark & so deep in my eyes, it’ll leave you terrified.
I need you to know that sometimes I cry because no matter how hard I try, the words just won’t come out.
But I promise if you’re still willing after the waves have crashed, I won’t let you drown.
Some days, you’re going to mistake loving me for drowning and God knows, I’m sorry..
But I promise I’ll kiss you until you remember how to breathe.
There will be mornings you’re convinced that I smiled & sunshine spilled into the sky.
I’ll make you laugh more than I’ll make you cry.
But there will be times my soul is empty & my words are cold & you’ll want to cry.
Please love me even harder when I’m cruel to you, forgive me when the thornes on my roses cut you- because they will.
But I’ll kiss the blood from your cuts dry. The way I whisper “I love you” at 4 a.m will make you feel alive. You’ll see hope where you saw oceans in my eyes.
But there will be break downs & screaming & I’ll tell you not to touch me. Don’t ask me why, just play in my hair & try to forgive me when loving me feels like dying.
I am such a broken girl. I will not candy coat it, I won’t tell you I’m just bent, because there will be times you listen to my heartbeat & you’ll see flashbacks of the way he did me.
You’ll hear my bones breaking. Conversations about my past will leave me shaking, please don’t be alarmed.
I need you to hear my cries for help that others called an excuse.
I need you to understand that I can be okay again, you’ve just gotta stay long enough for my wounds to mend.
I won’t be a lost cause all my life but it’ll feel like that on most nights. Please don’t tell me there’s no hope for me. Those might be the words to finish me off.
Tell me when I’m right & help me to understand why I’m wrong. If you share your strength with me, on the nights I leave you weak, I’ll sing you your favorite songs.
I will always help you stand even on days I’ve gotta crawl. Loving me will not be easy. It’ll be a journey. One that’s beautiful & terrifying all at the same time.
Our love will be hopeful despite how hopeless I am. I will leave you breathless in more ways than one.
But I will love you. I will love you like you’ve never been loved. I will touch your soul in ways you didn’t know it needed to be touched.
Eventually I’ll be strong enough to pick the thornes from my own roses, I’ll send them to you with a card, signed in my blood, “forever” it’ll read..
And I know that sounds sick but if one of us has to get cut, I’ll love you so much, that I won’t be afraid to bleed…. To be this fearless.
I’m terrified of myself.. Inside me, Heaven meets hell-